Changed the name of my BLOG!

Where to start?
With the changes that I face in life and the challenges that are a head of me it makes me think what did I do to get myself in this situation. Upset that I let myself love someone so much that I put myself out there. If I would have just took a step back and looked at the whole situation.. I have never been one to regret my actions but to just learn from them. But now like many other things that have change in my life I am starting to regret....
Why did I move in?
Why did I buy a car that I hate?
Why did I not walk away after the first time? If that would have been the case I would not have Baylee though.
I am the first to admit that I am no angel that I have done my share of bad things.
The worst part of this whole situation is the affect that it is having on my family. A little girl that is used to seeing her dad every morning, laughing with him and dancing all the way to the babysitters to now having to deal with her mom dragging her out of bed early. Not to mention how SAD she is every night. I know that she is feeding off my energy but it is hard to stay positive when my heart just hurts so bad. Even the dog is sad walking around the house with his head low. He is sad his number one person does not come home anymore.

To new starts.....
I am so greatful to have such an amazing family. They have helped me so much lately they have give me a second job to help me get out of debt. They helped me escape my sad life last weekend so I could enjoy the lake and laugh again with my favorite people. (I could not get the baby out of the water all she wanted to do was swim and ride the tube.) Even more they are paying my day care. But do I want to go that direction?
I am also greatful to have loving friends that have stood by my side to listen to me and help me.
Trying to find a new place is stressful esp when you dont know if you are going to have a dog are not. Interviewing at a job out of state which would be a nice fresh start.
There is a lot worse things going on right now then this drama. I am sorry to hear about you being sick you have always been one of my favorite family members. You are in my prays! Also my heart goes out to Raymonds family and friends during this time. I keep thinking about that sweet baby girl that lost her uncle.

Who I am!

I am a mother, daughter, friend and sister.
I am tall, thick and have plenty to love. I am a little, ok, VERY soft in the middle.
I am not a good housekeeper. In fact, lets face it I struggle to keep the basic things done. Having people over gives me anxiety.
I am very messy and unorganized.
I am decisive and scatterbrained.
I am horrible at finances and cant balance a checkbook or don't care to.
I don't wear make up and rarely do my hair.
I don't even care to have nice clothes and I feel awkward wearing anything that "makes me look good" aka dresses and tight items.
I wish I was better at so many things.
I wish I was a clean freak.
I wish I could find out the answer to my everyday question.
I wish I was a better mother, daughter, friend and sister.
I am not an early riser. In fact, it takes me about 30 minutes of zoning out to wake up in the morning.
I spend way too much time on the computer everyday.
I am the worse eater if it does not include deep fried item and some buffalo sauce I don't want anything to do with it.
I jump to conclusions and try too hard to be liked. Hate fake people that want to have some talk. Like I really care to listen.
I am emotional and stubborn.
I am short tempered and get my feelings hurt often.
I cant handle to thinking that you are always up to something.
I cant speak in public and I am not a team leader.
I am ME....
I am a nice person. I love doing stuff for people.
I always give money and food to strangers on the corner even if they might not be homeless. (everyone needs a drink sometimes)
Everyone has a habit to feed and mine is you.
I am compassionate about people and have empathy for everyone. I can feel what people are feeling and hurt when they hurt.
I am a good friend.
I am generally a happy person.
I am ME.....
And you know what? I love being me. I am a strong person that deserves to have the best things in life.
All of us have been given different talents and personalities. Why yearn for someone Else's life?
Sometimes though, like most people, I forget. I fall silly to jealous, hurt, gossip and pettiness.

If one artist could capture the moments in my life and make everything just seem OK/do able it is NINE INCH NAILS.
If that does not explain me I don't know what will.